Valentines Day...not what it use to mean

This weekend I was in MD (well still am, I will explain that in the end) visiting Derrek. It was so wonderful to be with him. Well as I feared the trip did not go as planned and was full of a lot of dissapointments and scares. Without trying to go into to many personal and unattracitve details I will do my best to explain what I expereinced and how it has change me.

Saturday morning (Valentines Day) was honestly the worst day of my entire life and will be engrained in my mind and memory forever. I was prepared for the miscarriage, so I thought. I began with the cramps that were nothing abnormal to me. It progessively got worse around 9am. Then the bleeding started. Seriously for FOUR hours it continued. I have never seen so much blood or been so grossed out. As it was easiest to just be in the shower due to what was happening (use your thoughts here), things got way worse. The next thing I expereienced can not be explained and expressed to the exact way I felt it. I started to see double and told Derrek, "I think I am going to pass out.". I had never passed out before but I knew something was not right. So I sat down. Derrek thankfully was behind me. What I experienced then was blurry. I just remember hearing Derrek say something and then everything went white and I began to dream something. I can not tell you now what that was, but whatever it was it was scary. I came to with my head in Derreks hands and him tapping my cheek saying "Baby, come on. Stay with me Baby." I could hear him but could not talk. It took me so much energy to say something to him. SCARY SCARY SCARY! There really is no other way to explain it. It scared Derrek too. I am just grateful he was there to catch my head when it fell. He said he knew something was wrong when my head fell forward. He grabbed my head and said he could not see my eyes. I guess it was only like 15 seconds, but to us both it felt like FOREVER. Right after I came to I threw up. I sat in the shower for another hour beacsue I just could not move. We finally decided I should get out...3 hours later. Before that I almost passed out two more times but Derrek made me pull it together. Needless to say the bleeding, dizzness and vomiting did not stop. I knew what was happening and knew I was going thrugh the miscarriage process, but with the amount of blood I lost and then the passing out we decided with some advice from my mom, it was best to go to the ER.

Eventually we got out of the hotel and eventally got to a ER that was open (Where Derrek is stationed there is no ER so we had to travel farther and it was just a mess). All my tests and blood level actually looked okay. That was the biggest concern. I would not have gone in if I had not expereiened so much blood loss and passing out, becasue I knew what was happening. They gave me fluids and did a ultrasound to make sure everything was okay. It was confirmed I had passed the baby. After four hours of being in the ER on Valentine's day we left. Today I am feeling like a different person compared to Saturday. I am still very sore bascially from my neck and shoulders to my hips. It is bearable compared to what I went through Saturday. I am having some nightmares of that day and am finding it hard to stop playing the scenes over in my head.

Derrek was amazing. He never once left my side, no matter what was happening! He stayed calm and strong for me when I was not. He handled the passing out great and calmly. He was sensitive and understanding. He was comforting and helpful. Never once did he complain from when it all started at 8am till 8pm that night when we left the ER. He had not eaten ALL day but never once said anything. He never got grossed out or looked at me differently from seeing me in that stage. I know things like this sometimes can bring trouble in a marriage, but for us...it did the opposite. We have bonded and become closer. It is as if it connected us in a way. This day will never be a great holiday for us in the future, instead it will be a day of rememberence. I have never experieneced something that was so hard. It is a change in life, personality and future.

So that this does not become a novel I am going to seperate the blogs. So it is more orgnaized. Read in newer posts about, our new tattoos and my new adventure in traveling.

XOXO,
Megs