Leave it to me....

So I flew home to CO for a week. I was suppose to fly back to El Paso last night. We are on the plane on the runway. After about 30 minutes they decide to tell us that our planes breaks are not working. So they tow us back into the gate. Then we have to walk seriously to the other side of the airport to go to a certain gate to get tickets for another flight. Obviously there are none for the night as it is now 10:30 PM. And I had to wait for my bag as I had to curbside check it. So I get to the gate/desk and I am for real at the END of the line of all the people who were on my flight. Thank goodness I make friends with a boy who is 18 and a girl about my age. We made light out of it all as what else were we suppose to do.

After seriously being in this line and standing for an hour and 25minutes I get to the counter! They say they can put me on stand by for the 9:40am flight to El Paso...which I know I will not get on as everyone else is on the same thing. Or leave at 7am and go to Phoenix and then connect to El Paso and get there at 11:20am. So I took that route plus I would be leaving earlier. I know it is stupid but I did not have my lil brother come get me as by the time I got to the front of the counter it was nearly 1am and not worth it if I had to be back in like 4 hours.

They offered a hotel room but I declined as I was so tired by the time I got settled in the hotel it would be 2am and I would have to be up in 2 hours. I know myself and it would have been too hard for me to get up. So they also gave food vouchers so I took one and got food and went to the gate. By this time I was hurting so I took a viciodin and laid down...yes on the airport ground. I sleep for about about 3 hours. Then got up and did homework. I am ready to leave now! I just want to be home in my bed sleeping!! The airline also gave me a voucher for $100 on my next flight through Frontier within a year. So they were nice about it even though it stunk!! So about another 50 mins and we will board. Thank goodness!

On a better note...yesterday I receieved a call from a lady saying I sent her my application a month ago and if I was still interested!!!! YAY!! I think it was a daycare but hey that is with kids and gets me working. So we played phone tag so once I know more I will post.

XOXO,
Megs

Lost my way

For the past week or so I have felt lost. Maybe the move and feeling like I am starting over. I have had a few pity parties for myself. After what feels like forever (even if it was only a week) I feel as if I am finding myself again. After the miscarriage I learned a lot about myself and things I needed to improve. I was doing very well and then got of path and started falling into old habits i.e. negative nelly!

I have no idea what hit me but I feel as if I am finding myself again and not just myself...but the improved self. I am taking a trip home next week and I think that is great for me. Plus I will be bringing my kitties back with me! YAY!!! We miss them so much. Along with that I will be driving a new car back. Derrek and I need a 2nd car as it leaves me stuck in the house when he is at work as we do not live on base. We are looking for a jeep Cherokee or something similar. Thanks to my amazing grandparents we are able to buy a used car to help us out. Nothing fancy just something to get us by. My grandparents are so amazing, not just with helping us our with money for something we need, but for the constant support they provide me and now us. I feel like I have not gotten to know them as much as I would like. I hope to take a trip out East before Derrek deploys and spend time with them more than in the past. I just learned that family is so important and I want to know that I got to know all of them very well.

I am just so blessed with the people in my life. My family is amazing even if we do not talk as often as I would like (dang brothers...if they were sisters it would be different. lol). I am blessed with an amazing mom who has given me so much over the years. I am also blessed with a Dad who has been such a great supporter to me over the last year. I am grateful to have that now. I am blessed with two sets of amazing grandparents, amazing aunts and uncles and the best cousins a girl can have. I have in-laws that have accepted me since the beginning. That makes such the difference. I also have some amazing friends and I am finally learning just because we may not talk everyday does not mean we are not close. I have some friends for years and some new. Some married, some not. Some with kids and some not. Some near and some far. Either way if I needed one of them they would be there. I am extremely grateful for Kelly and Amanda who were there for me the most during the toughest time ever! And there positive outlook that helps me in so many ways. Man I am one lucky girl!!


Oh and we can not forget the husband who is still growing. He is amazing and sometimes I forget that and place blame on him so often and forget that I am also one to blame. We are growing and we are learning. The best thing about that is we are doing it together. Even if he may not cuddle with me as much as I would like or buy me flowers 'just because' he is ALWAYS supporting me and loving me!!! I am blessed to have what I have and hopefully I can remember this as I work on improving myself....

XOXO,
Megs

how can it still hurt so much....

Today was a bad day for me. Sometimes I have days where I am just a little down and miss being pregnant and all, but today was a bad one. I have no idea what hit me either to make me feel as I have all day. Maybe just all the pregnant people around me or the new babies everyone has, but today was hard. I felt like I was reliving the day we found out we lost the baby and the day I actually physcially did lose the baby. I understand that everything happens for a reason and I fully agree...that does not mean it does not hurt!

It is the stupid questions to "why". The questions can never be answered and today I found myself asking God these questions again as I did 4 months ago. It is hard to not have answers and to see people all around you being blessed and it makes it hard to stay strong. I believe though I have done very well with it all...better than anyone expected me to be. So I think I am entialed to a day like this. I literally cried for like 45 minutes today and thank goodness Derrek was home to hold me. I finally fell asleep for a couple hours. Now I am just in a daze nad have a killer headache. I accomplished NOTHING at all today and I am mad at myself for that but again I think I deserve a day like that. It was as if I had an emotional break down and lost the compusure I have managed to keep over the months since the loss. All I ask is that God keeps watching over me and get me through this...and as one of my best friends told me a while back...I have a gardian angel watching over me and just for me.



This is Derrek's Tattoo


XOXO,
Megs