how can it still hurt so much....

Today was a bad day for me. Sometimes I have days where I am just a little down and miss being pregnant and all, but today was a bad one. I have no idea what hit me either to make me feel as I have all day. Maybe just all the pregnant people around me or the new babies everyone has, but today was hard. I felt like I was reliving the day we found out we lost the baby and the day I actually physcially did lose the baby. I understand that everything happens for a reason and I fully agree...that does not mean it does not hurt!

It is the stupid questions to "why". The questions can never be answered and today I found myself asking God these questions again as I did 4 months ago. It is hard to not have answers and to see people all around you being blessed and it makes it hard to stay strong. I believe though I have done very well with it all...better than anyone expected me to be. So I think I am entialed to a day like this. I literally cried for like 45 minutes today and thank goodness Derrek was home to hold me. I finally fell asleep for a couple hours. Now I am just in a daze nad have a killer headache. I accomplished NOTHING at all today and I am mad at myself for that but again I think I deserve a day like that. It was as if I had an emotional break down and lost the compusure I have managed to keep over the months since the loss. All I ask is that God keeps watching over me and get me through this...and as one of my best friends told me a while back...I have a gardian angel watching over me and just for me.



This is Derrek's Tattoo


XOXO,
Megs