Furrbabies

So I know this might sound silly to people without pets or anyone in general. Lately I have been thinking a lot about my kitties and how much they mean to me. I know they are animal, but they are like our kids right now. I know they are not as hard to raise as children, but it is in some ways preparing us for that in the future. We have to make sure they are healthy, fed, clean and loved. I love cuddling with them and I truly belive they know we love them! I know that sounds so silly and I would have never guessed I would love Princess and Rascal so much but I do and Derrek does to rather he admits it or not. They are so silly getting into things, they will get into lundry baskets, paper bags, plastic bags, suitcases and seriously anything they can rather they will fit or not! I love our furrbabies!!

XOXO,

Megs aka Mommy of two Cute Cats! HAHA

New Hair!!

Well here are some pictures of snow that we got in the Desert last week!
The ball was a blast and here is Derrek and I all cleaned up and looking good!
And Lastly my new hair! Thank goodness it got done! I love it and it feels good.





































XOXO,
Megs

One long week!

Well this week was full of so much! It was my last day of work, which was hard for me but in reality I do not think it has hit me all the way yet. A couple of my kids were so sweet and gave me Christmas presents!! This week we got TWO snow storms! YES snow in the desert. It was so crazy because it was not much to me being from Colorado and all, but they do not have snow. So everything was closed down and no one was prepared. So my last day of work I only had 12 of my kids.
Because of the snow my dress had not arrived as of noon Thursday and the ball was at 1700 that night. I was able to track it down and met the UPS guy at Burger King to get it and it fit so great! But we were running around like crazy to get on the road for Primm (where the ball was). Then we were going to leave right from there the next morning to come home for leave. It was one crazy day.

THE BALL:
We had a good time at the ball thanks to good people. Derrek looked handsome and I got lots of compliments on my dress. I met some great people I did not know before that work with Derrek. I am kind of sad to be leaving this place now. But we had a great time it was worth it in the end!

OUR JOURNEY HOME:
So Friday morning we got up and got ready to make the drive home. We were doing great and Derrek got lots of sleep so he could drive through the mountains of Colorado when we hit them. So I drove a lot of Utah and the beginning of Colorado. We were doing just fine and then ALL of sudden we hit snow. It was so bad and it was blowing the car everywhere. So we exited and switched so Derrek could drive. We were going like 25-40MPH because the wind was blowing the snow and it was hard to see. People were passing us like crazy and they would make it so hard to see again! Then this truck was seriously inches from hitting us and when he passed we could not see anything and when we could again we were so close to the median in the middle. It was so scary. All signs said only commercial vehicles needed chains so we thought we were fine and we were doing okay. Then all of a sudden up a pass (Vail for those of you who know) we got stuck and tires were just spinning. We tried so hard and we could not move. By this time tears were just running down my face. A sheriff pulled up and got us a tow truck. The truck came and put us on the flat bed...us in the car and all!! Freaking scariest thing in my life. I could not believe he did that. He got us to Frisco which was only 75 miles from home! I was so upset! I know we would have to get a hotel and stay for the night. So after paying the tow truck $200 we had to pay $140 for a room to stay for the night...the mountain resorts have such expensive hotels and we did not have a choose. So finally about 4am we got settled in our room and I passed out. Then today we left about 10am and got home around 1300! Thank goodness! I have never been so grateful for my life, even if we are completely broke till Derrek gets paid next. I am glad to be out of the mountains and with family.

So that is all for now and I will post pictures tomorrow for the ball and some of the kitties travel out here. They were not to happy about it, but they are doing great now. Till next time....
XOXO,
Megs

So very lost

How much disappointment and lies should one person take? Should you walk away after a certain point? I just want emotion, explanations, anything! I do not know the next step to take. I am emotionally drained and not sure what to do from here. Not sure what to think or believe. Not sure if I should trust. Not sure if I should walk away for my sake. Is that selfish? Well what about his selfishness? Why can I not just get the answers to this?
I do not like this life. This is not what I wanted or expected. I am tired of trusting and working on change and being alone at the end of the hard work. Am I perfect? HELL no! But I do not lie, and I do not do the things he does.
A lie is a lie! No matter what it is. They all hurt. They make you not trust. If you can't trust your one true love, who can you trust? Will i ever change? I just am at a loss. I feel like it is always the same thing and I always have a problem whether it be $70 downloads on a cell phone, cigarettes being bought and lied about, smoking at the house and lieing, forgetting to return movies that sit in the car for a month on the floor, or $500 of our emergency fund and college funds GONE!!! Gone and nothing to show for it. How can you justify that? What am I to do?
I have been praying and praying and talking to god for months. Good and Bad. And I feel alone and without answers. I want to run away. I want to wake up from this nightmare!!! GO AWAY GO AWAY!!!!

My 22 Kids!

Well I only have 5 more days with my kids at work. FIVE! that is so short. My last day at work is approaching so quickly and I do not like that. I know for a fact that working with kids is my passion and something I want to do forever! I love the way they are, there excitment for life, there willingness to learn new things. There little personalitys. I watch them grow everyday and I love to be apart of that. Yes, there are days I want to yell at them and pull out my hair...but they are first graders what do you expect?

It is like I have my own kids. I have 22 first graders that I honestly love to be with. I love the way they look up to me. I love how they share and open up to me. I know when these kids have bad days and how they react to that. I know when something is bothering them without them saying a word. I know what each kid likes to do in there free time. I know there homework style, how they get along with others, how many siblings they have and even where a lot of them were born.

I know people come and go out of these children's lives becasue they either are military families or live amongst military families. So they are use to moving and making new friends, having new teachers and daycare providers. But I still hate to leave them. We have bonded over the last four months. It feels like so much longer than that. I even have built relationships with a lot of the parents. It is nice to know they like me. Many of the parents are not happy I am leaving, just as I am. That shows me that I am making a difference. I do NOT do it for the pay, I do it for the satisfaction of being with kids. I hope that I have taught them something, but at teh end of the day, they have taught me more than I could ever teach them! I will miss my kids! Yes I call them MY kids!!! Look at these pictures....how could I not miss them and not want to leave??

A movie...

So I am sitting here with tears in my eyes and tons of thoughts going through my head. I just watched Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 by myself. I was tired of trying to get someone to watch it with me. As I was watching it I was filled with so much emotion and found myself longing for so much.
I long for friendships like that. I feel like I will never have something that stable and constant. I am tired of people coming and going in my life. I want to have friendships like the girls in the movie do. They fight yes, but they make up. They trust in one another, they are there for one another through everything. Why is that something so hard to find? To have people you can always count on and you know you will never be replaced. You know no matter where you live you will always have that. Am I crazy to long for something like that?
I have always wanted to have one or a couple friends you go to with EVERYTHING! You feel comfortable just stopping by. You feel comfortable letting them see you cry and hurt. You are not afraid of judgement. You know they will understand and if they do not they will listen. You know you will have that friendship for LIFE! Not just while you are near by. I understand it is hard to stay in touch when you leave somewhere, but why can't it just happen. I feel like I am fighting a fight that is impossible. Something that is not ever going to happen. I am 22-years-old and still do not have that friendship that they do in the movie. Yes I know it is a movie, but does that mean it can not be reality? I just want that. I feel incomplete because I do not have something like that. I have had that relationship with some girls over the years, but it always seems to be for a little bit, not forever. I have been used, taken advantage of, not appreciated in some friends in my past, will that ever change? Will anyone ever want the same thing I do? Will I connect with someone like that? Will someone else watch that movie and cry because they are so touched by those relationships and long for the same thing?

I am crazy I know! It is just something I always dreamed of having and I am afraid to never heave experienced something like that, that is long-lasting not just temporary. I feel stupid and petty to even want something like this so bad. Almost like I am pathetic. Well just wanted to share my thoughts, dreams, fears and emotions about something that is bothering me so much, not just because of the movie, but because I have wanted this for so long!

XOXO,
Megs

help with pictures....

Hey all....How do you post pictures in your blog? I know there is a link thing, but is there a quick way to do more than one and can you place them where ever you want in the blog? Thanks for the help...

New Blog

Hey everyone. Well I have been using a Live journal Blog, but decided this was a easier way to blog because I am always on here looking at My brother and his fiances blog, and my best friend and her family. So here I am! Well it has been a while since I blogged. Life is here. Nothing bad, which is good. I have caught myself many times this week with tears in my eyes. Not to sure what it is that is bringing them on. They are not even tears of sadness all the time. I think I am in a confusing place, about to move and Derrek leaving. Excited to go on our new journey in life, yet scared to leave what I have grown to know and love here. Yes, I said I love it here! Now that does not mean I love the desert and Fort Irwin, but I love the people I have met and gotten to know. I love the job I have, working my kids is such a joy and blessing. I love this home were we got started at when we first got married. So much has happened, good and bad. Yet all of those things have helped define me a little more. I am afraid to leave and lose some of that. Lose the friends I have made, forget the memories, stop being important to my kids, and so much more. Leave this house full of so many arguments and love all in the same day. I know that is part of life, but I am still getting use to life. Change is good and opens so many doors, it is just scary. It is funny how something can cause so many emotions that contradict one another. This was my first time away from home, and I will not lie and say it was easy! It was NO where near easy, but as crazy as it is, I would not change it. While Derrek and I are still learning and growing with one another and there are still plenty of fights, we have come a long way. I am scared of him leaving to school for four months....I am afraid of what will happen or change with him and I. I can not imagine a deployment. Two women I work with are coming to the end of a deployment in like two days. They are so strong and I can not imagine. Life is full of so many things that sometimes I forget to be grateful for what I have. Some things I have...
-I have a job, that allows me to help children and be there for them. Show them life lessons and love them.

-A husband who puts up with me andall my mood swings and my health issues. Who never looks at me differently for my struggles and negative aspects of me.

-A mom who is amazing!! She is my best friend and has given up so much for me. She is full of so much strength, love, advice and compassion. I hope to be even half of who she is when I am older.

-I have two amazing brothers who might not be the sister I have always wanted, but who protect me like no other and I think about daily!! And HATE being so far from them. -A family full of love and support. Great grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. All of who mean the world to me.

-Some friends who are TRUE friends and have always been there through my negativity and bad days. Some here and some back home. Ones who I know will always be there and the memories we share will carry with me forever.

-Two babies who are like my kids for now! They are loving and cuddly and I love my Kitty's!

-I have a education....even if I still have a year left. I am in reach of it now and am working hard to accomplish this. Not everyone has such opportunities.

I could go on and on, but these are the most important things. I am blessed and grateful for what I have and would not change it. XOXO, Megs