Army life can BITE BAD!

So I guess April is not going to be another GREAT month like March. Derrek found out today that when he is released from Aberdeen (where he is at for school right now) on Wednesday or Thursday we have 15 days to get to Fort Bliss. Orginally his orders said the 10th of June. Do not ask me questions on how and why they did this but they did. It is the Army so you can not ask many questions and they do not give many answers. So our ENTIRE plans changed!

Stupid me did not get insurance on his plane ticket for Wednesday so....they gave us a credit through travelocity (where I bought his ticket) that has to be used in the next year under Derrek's name and the same airline. So there goes that $150 till a later date. So I bought a ticket for $180 to Ronald Raegan Airport for Wednesday. And got a rental car. We will sight see and hang out until Sunday. Then Sunday we will go to the Poconos for our honeymoon trip....thankfully we were able to change the date we had set for May to this coming Sunday. No difference in price or room or anything. So that worked out. Now I need to find plane tickets back to CO from PA next Saturday and we will be home for only a few days then on our way to Bliss.

I am thankful that most of it worked out with the honeymoon trip and all. Thank god i saved ALL our tax money for this trip, because we will be using it ALL. So we are forking out more money with extra plane tickets, hotel and car rental but sometimes you have to enjoy time and not worry about money. I am obviously overwhelmed and stressed as this was not the plan and I can not imagine having to leave by the end of this month. So stress is the apartment hunting and such goes up. But I will try and take it day by day.

Well gotta get some homework done and then start packing as I leave Wednesday morning!

XOXO,
Megs

What a wonderful world...

As I sit here and it is almost 1am I have so much that I am thinking of. I had a wonderful birthday and I have to say it was because I have such amazing people in my life. Between the texts, calls, comments and the lucky ones who got to party with me that night, I was just so lucky to have so much love. That is honestly the best gift a person can have. It is not about material things, but the people who share with you in that special day and I had many.

It makes me just keep thinking back to what I have been through the past two and a half months. I know I have said it before but I am just so grateful for what I have gained through it all. Some amazing friendships that will last a lifetime. The positive outlook I have gained through all the sadness and reality of the things I have faced. The motivation I have to make my future bright and successful. The amazing love and strength Derrek and I have gained as a couple. All of these things came from something that is honestly the worst thing I could have imagined to happen at that time in my life.

Often times lately I have jumped to conclusions and have gotten concerned so easily over things that are not worth it. Because I have had so many great things lately I am so use to something going wrong so it is as if I am on guard for that thing to happen. So sometimes I catch myself trying to hard to please people in my friendships because of the fear of losing them. I am trying to stop this as it will cause problems if I keep questioning things. It is not the person or people at all! It is my past. I think that is my hardest thing is leaving the past in the past. So that is what I am going to be working on for a little while...trusting life is good and that something bad does NOT have to happen. Enjoy what I have and think about the present not the past or even future. That is my goal for this month.

I can not say thank you enough to the amazing people in my life who are still by my side on my bad days when I break down. For the people with countious encouraging words and not the statements such as "I know how you feel" and "it will all be okay". You know who you are and I am blessed to have you!!!

XOXO,
Megs

Twitter??

Well I just joined the world of Twitter.....http://twitter.com/MegsHeartDerrek! Not that I have any clue what it really is! Between my blog, myspace and facebook...I do not know if twitter is any difference. It seems very confusing to me. Anyone have any insight for me?
Oh and I did find a actress who was Punky Brewster!!! I loved that show and have almost all the seasons on DVD! She is so pretty. It was crazy to see her name pop up on twitter. HAHA Well hopefully I will learn what this is and what the buzz is all about!

Off to bed as tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY!!!!

XOXO,
Megs

March was GREAT

Well it has been a while. Just have not been in the mood to write...which is odd for me. Anyways as tomorrow is the first day of April I have to say how lucky I have been. The weekend I miscarried and my camera broke and I got stuck in MD for longer than planned I told my mom I was going to pray that March would be my month. I guess God heard that prayer.

March was amazing! It was full of some amazing memories. Of course there were still rough days where I cried and wished I was still pregnant. But for all I have been through this month was wonderful. I have been blessed with some amazing people! I have found a amazing friend when I needed it most. I have gained more strength then I ever imagained having before. I began to see life in a new way since the miscarriage. I began planning our honeymoon. I finally found some nice apartments in El Paso that are within about 25 minute drive. I got closure on something that had been hurting me for 3 years. I got my hair done and love it. Derrek and I have become even closer. Derrek and I understand how important our love is. I learned that even though some friends are not close in distance they have been amazing through it all! I have spent lots of me and my mommy time. I have laughed more than i have in a long time. I have stressed less than i have in a long time. I saw life in a brighter light and believed that people can make all the difference in your life.



Miscarrying was by far the worst expereince ever, but I have to be grateful for everything that has come out of it since. God has blessed me and made me see myself in ways I never did before. Helping me to forget abuot something and leave it in his hands. Reminding me of who I am and the strength I carry in me. My showing me the people in my life who truly care and are worth my time and energy. As I sit and reflect on this amazing month i can only hope that April is full of many more memories, lessons and laughters! Consdiering it is my birthday month and when Derrek finally comes home...I am in great hopes that it will be good! As sad as I am to see March be done, I look forward to the new memories i will make in April.


XOXO,
Megs

I want to fix it.

I remember now more and more who I am. I love being the ear to someones problems. I love being the girl advice giver to guy friends. I love being able to make someone smile when they are having a bad day. But what I do not love is watching someone I care about be in pain and there is nothing I can do.

You know you really care about someone when they are crying and you start crying! It hurt me to see her hurt and know nothing I could say would make it better for her. It hurts me now to know emotionally and physically she is going through something no 22 year old should have to go through. I want to fix it! I want to take it all away. Good people do not deserve some of the crap they get. There are so many mean and evil people out there who never experience hardships as I have or she has. It is not fair!!! I know that is part of life, but it does not mean I can not be mad about it. I want to take her pain from her and ease her worries and i can not.

I also hate being hundreds miles away from my husband as he is struggling with an injury. It is not the end of the world but it is emotionally affecting him because they have him on a profile (not being able to do PT or hold weapons) and missing class for DR appts. I know he psychically is okay but i hate seeing...well hearing him down and knowing I can not do much.

Why can't I be superwoman and fix everyones hardships? That is what I want! I do not want ot see people I love suffer!

XOXO,
Meg
P.S. Me out having fun enjoying life for the first time in two months....

Honeymoon and life....

Well it is relaity! After everything Derrek and I have been through in the last 2 months we decided we needed to finally have a honeymoon! We have been talking about it and have been so excited but yesterday I actually booked it and put a deposit down, so it is really happening!!

We looked into many options and decided that the Pocono Mountains in PA was perfect. It is a couples resort and the rooms are amazing! On top of that I did my research and they give great military discounts. 50% weekdays and 20% weekends. So a room that is normally like $400 a night was $200 for us. This is an all inclusive resort. It is amazing. They have 3 hotels on the resort and we picked this one...
Suites at Paradise Stream and then they have tons of room choices and we picked Diana's Oasis. It has a heart shaped bath tub! Which of course I love. We have our own private pool and fireplace.

On top of it being the most romantic room ever there is so much to do. We are looking at horse back riding for sure and a couple other things for sure. We will expereince as much as we can in our 6 nights and 7 days. I will include the link for anyone interested. It is almost two years after our wedding but a honeymoon is a honeymoon.

FYI: for anyone who was thinking of getting us an anniversary gift or anything and would like to help with the trip. They have gift certificates you can purchase on the website. We would love something liek that this year to help us with our trip even though it will be two months before our actual anniversary.

CHECK OUT THE WEBSITE THOUGH.....
http://www.caesarspoconoresorts.com/suites/dianasoasis.aspx

XOXO,
Meg and Derrek

I have so much!

Sometimes you get so down and life keeps handing you crap...as I know! And you get screwed over so much it is hard to remember that things happen and people come into our lives that do NOT screw us over. We focus on the bad ones that sometimes we forget about the good ones, right in front of us...Well at least I do this. I have finally gotten out a little bit and it has been so great to be reminded who I am, where I come from and the wonderful people who are there new and old.

Last week I went to hang out with a old HS friend. She really hurt me like 5 years ago. But once we got together it was as if we had been friends forever. We both have grown and changed but are still the same. It was nice to re-connect and have that girl who was just as emotional and passionate about things as I am. We connect and have so much fun together. Also thanks to Britters, it kind of got me started on getting out again and enjoying life. Thank goodness for her and her persistance! Thanks Brit!!

This weekend I did more than I have since before I was pregnant so that was great for me and helped me with sleeping a little. Saturday night I hang out with Ashley(for those who do not know her and i have been friends since we were 5 years old!). We went to this little ghetto bar becasue my friend, Josh his band was playing there. Not our type of bar but we went for support of Josh. It was great to be out with Ashley and have a few drinks. She is excited to take me out over the next couple months. The way I see it is this is about the only time I will not be working in my life so might as well live it up and have some fun. It was also great to hear Joshs band and look at the changes they have come through esp him. It was nice to see a old friend who really helped me in life and got me where I am.

Then yesterday, Sunday, I hang out with two friends for my dorm days at Colorado Mtn College my first year of college. Katie and I went up to CO Springs to see Chelsea. We met her boyfriend who is so perfect for her and makes me so happy to see her having such a great support system becasue she has been through a lot.
The three of us girls than went to the mall, then mini golfing and then got ice cream. I was so tired by the time we headed home but it was worth it. It was as if no time had passed since we saw one another last which was my wedding. We had so much fun and it was so great to be reminded you have great friends.

So over all I have learned and been reminded that I might not talk to people all the time but when things get rough they are there. When you get to get out of the house they are there. If you need a shoulder they are there no matter the distance! I have gone throuhg a lot with girl friends hurting me and walking all over me, but in the end finally at the age of 23 (well in a month I will be 23) I have finally learned how to pick my friends and am blessed!

So to Kelly, Britters, Amanda, Chels, Katie, Ashley, Shanda, Desirae and anyone else who has been there....THANK YOU...I could not get thorugh this without you!!!

XOXO,
Megs

Dream

So last night...well this morning. I woke up and had just had a dream that was so very vivid.

I have never had a dream of having children except one time when I was pregnant that is it. Last night I had one of us having a little boy. At first he was a baby and then the next thing I remember is him being in kindergarten. Derrek and I went to pick him up from school. Derrek was in his uniform. The little boy had hair just the color of Derrek's like to the T! The little boy ran into my arms when he saw us. I remember this dream in such details the little boys shoes came off when he ran into my arms. His shoes were slip on superman shoes that were blue. Derrek went and picked them up out of the green grass! That is how much I remember at least that scene of the dream.

The dream was not neccssiarily a bad dream but it was hard for me to think about! The fact that I remember it so vividly is hard. It was a sad dream for me to wake up and remember. Never had a dream where I had a child I could see vividly and then remember that dream in so many specifics later when i woke up! Not to sure how I feel about it but it has had me a little shaken up all day!

XOXO,
Megs

Having a Sad moment

Well sorry Kelly this post is not as positive as I have been, just a warning.
So I am sitting here and looking at everyones new pictures and such on myspace. It feels like everyone is pregnant. I know it is selfish or mean of me, but it makes me mad. It is hard looking at all these women pregnant. Some younger, some older, some first child, some not, either way it is just hard. It is hard not to thinking about where I would be if I was still pregnant. These are the moments that make it all so hard.

I feel so....alone right now. I just wish I would wake up and be pregnant again, so I can experience all that these women are. It is just not fair!! I know I know...everything happens for a reason, but it is in these moments that I do not feel it and see that it is okay. I know it will pass, but even for the little time I am experiencing this feeling, makes me feel so depressed. I assume this is normal as I only miscarried a little over a week ago. I just do not like thinking about it all and it all being done. No shopping for baby, no getting a bigger belly, no baby shower, no any of that. Well this is a little of how i feel tonight and it is moments like this were being in Derrek's arms would be so comforting...Off to bed soon because I do not want to continue with this feeling.

XOXO,
Megs

One week later

A little over a week ago we experienced the hardest thing we had ever gone through. So you would think we would be doing bad or not so good. Well that is not true. Derrek and I are doing great as a couple. Emotionally we are both still trying to move on from all of this and the great loss that we expereienced. We know it will take time and we are allowing that time to help us heal and come to terms with it all.
But as far as our marriage goes...I think we are better than we have ever been. It is as if we are where I have always dreamed to be. Obviously we hate being away from one another!!! But we connected in ways we had never connected before. He loved me in ways he had never before, but the ways I have always wanted. AS hard as that week was it was great too. I know that is hard to understand, but the strength we have now is more than we ever could have imagined. This situation tested us and our love, and we proved we love one another more than we each thought!

We are now trying to get through a couple more months of being a part! That is harder than it has been before. But we will do it becasue in the end we will have on another. We will have a whole month devoted to us!! We are use to having our marriage be second right after his job as a soldier. Well for the month of May, we can be first! And we are taking advantage of that. We are looking into a romantic trip in the Pocono Mtns in PA!! We are so excited because it will be like the honeymoon we never had. It is a little early for our two year anniversary, but close enough. The army only gives you certain time so you take it when you have it. We are hoping for soem good taxes back so that we can use it for our trip! It will not be cheap but we deserve it and they provide 50% discount for military! So we are stoked beyond belief! Well wish me luck as I attempt to do our taxes myself online this week!! :-)

XOXO,
Megs and Derrek
P.S. no pictures anytime soon as the camera broke last weekend. Just to add to the things we were experiencing the camera was cracked too, thank God I have a birthday in a little over a month!